Melting of boundaries: an international wedding

I went to a university in a state that was populated by mostly Italian Americans and Jewish Americans. I myself come from a WASP background, so was delighted to be immersed in the abundance of life surrounding me in those college years. Of course, I made many friends, of both persuasions, and loved every second of our times together.

One friend in particular was Jewish and she often took me to her parents’ home to chat with her delightful, upbeat folks and to indulge in delicious ethnic food. After we graduated, we kept in touch. And a few years later I learned she was going to marry a Brit. She told me her parents liked the man very much, but were not pleased that she was marrying out of her faith. “Judaism is more than a religion. It is a way of life and thought. In fact, it is a culture. Its roots go back for centuries. You have a duty to continue that heritage.”

My friend listened respectfully, but turned around and married the man she loved. She went to live in London. Of course, family ties cannot be broken easily, so before long the parents grew to deeply appreciate their son-in-law and then to adore the two gorgeous grandchildren that came along a few years later.

When the kids were born, the English grandparents insisted they be baptized as Christians. My friend and her spouse are anti-established religion of any sort, but begrudgingly agreed. They needed a godparent, and they asked me. Of course, I said yes, even though spirituality is a deeply personal, inner experience for me, not an outer religion. Eventually I ended up becoming the godmother of both of her kids. The reason? “You give such unusual gifts and if one gets them, the other will be very jealous.”

Many years have passed and my eldest goddaughter is now in Turkey. She went there on a lark, loved it, and never left. All was going smoothly, I felt, until I got a desperate e-mail from her. She had fallen madly in love with a Turk and wanted to marry him. Her parents were flat against it. So, would I please help! I chuckled as memories of her mother’s marriage flooded back to me. Like mother, like daughter, I thought, and set to work to build a bridge of better communication and understanding.

To make a long story short, the parents finally relented and a glorious wedding was held in Turkey last summer. I was there, of course, and was delighted to witness firsthand the melting down of barriers: one culture marrying into another, twice, and three spiritual heritages blending. And in both cases the choices of spouse were entirely based on love. I find that thrilling, especially in this precarious day and age of religious confusion.

I also feel honored to be part of this mingling of cultures, races and religions, albeit on the periphery. I feel a participant in taking one small, yet very significant, step towards a more unified and peaceful world.